Thu. Sep 29th, 2022

Abia Reporters




As a parent if you are doing these ten things in the name of raising your children, you are not just wrong, you are indirectly and gradually destroying their psych, their self confidence and self worth.

1. Not Allowing Them to Take Up Responsibilities: I’ve noticed that children with a sense of responsibility are response-able and feel obligated to be sensible. Eg: when a first born in a family feels he/she has to behave well especially for those behind, it helps such a person act accordingly. My first son will always step up because hubby will always remind him that he is the Paapa of the house when he (their Dad isn’t around). Same thing is transferred to my 2nd son now that Uche is in boarding school. 5+ year Amara is told same thing when I travel (she’s the Mom of the house)

2. Not Allowing Them to Do Chores: Interestingly, shielding our children from doing chores and running errands at home affects them more in life than helping them. When we are on holidays we either travel with our children or stay where we have less domestic staff. My children will sweep, mob the floor, spread washed clothes, cook with Dad or they cook alone (yes Uche makes the best peppered noodles ever 😁 and Ike is amazing too)

3. Rebuking Them from Expressing Their Emotions: I personally warned my boys from believing that boys don’t cry. It’s a lie. I usually tell my 2nd son to always express his emotions, because he can suppress emotions for Africa

4. Being Overprotective: You are a guide, not a protector. Allow your children experience life, even when it’s scary to let go. Give them the opportunity to gain confidence in their ability to deal with whatever life throws their way. When we sent my first son abroad at age 10, some people thought I was crazy. With no close relations to check up? But that experience shaped Uche. A couple of times he flew International flights back to Nigeria alone and in his profile in his book, he wrote that he was grateful for such opportunities. Uche is a born leader and I knew that if I over pamper him I’d be destroying him. I’m proud we took that crazy decision. Last weekend when we spoke with him, he told us that in his new school that they moved him to a new hostel room where the laziest boys in the school are, so he could inspire them to be tidy, be punctual, be studious, be smart, etc. Because that’s exactly what he does. Traveling abroad alone beat my son into shape; he wakes up early at 5am to pray, prepare for school or whatever, knows when to read, eat, exercise, etc. If I shielded him up and down, he may still be bed wetting 🤣

5. Preventing Them From Making Mistakes: I teach my children that the worst mistake anyone could make is that of not trying something for fear of making mistakes. Make calculated mistakes and learn quickly from them. You rob them of the opportunity to never say never

6. Punishment instead of Discipline: They are two different things. When we discipline they think “I made a bad choice”. But when you punish, they think “I’m a bad person”. Correct in love, for discipline gives your child confidence that they can make smarter, healthier choices in the future, while punishment makes them think they’re incapable of doing anything better

7. Making Excuses For Their Inadequacies: Even if you have a physically or academically challenged child, don’t make excuses for them. Helping them and teaching them to live above all challenges is the hallmark of great parenting. The greatest mistake is to turn them to charity case, using them to beg for alms, etc

8. Condoning A Victim’s Mentality: Don’t say things like ‘we can’t afford these shoes because we are poor’. Don’t play that card, it damages their self confidence and worth. Children who recognizes their choices in life feels more confident in their ability to create a better future for themselves

9. Expecting Perfection: You are not perfect, so please don’t expect it from your children. Just give them clear expectations and encourage them to meet up. If you expect it, you rob them of their childhood too.

10. Not Recognizing, Celebrating and Rewarding their best deeds: If you discipline them when they err, please recognize, celebrate and reward their great efforts. Printing Uche’s first boy that got him great accolades was one of the greatest things I did for him. Buying more Arts stuff for Chineme, my 2nd son is a great booster. Taking my 3rd, Ike to cook with Chef Uche of Crunchies was and still is a memorable experience for him

I know this is a long read, Mabinu 🙏. But, please save this post and let it help you Parent adequately

Best 🤝

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